We know we are to listen to hear the voice of God, but what if that voice sounds just like our own? How do we know when it’s God speaking through our thoughts, through other people, through something we read or observe?
Is that you, God?
Years ago when I first began my free-lance work in ministry, I was eager for every job that came my way. I made contacts in my field, sent out brochures, prayed fervently, and waited for the phone to ring. One dreary day when I was questioning why I gave up my parish job to venture into the unknown land of being a free-lance ministry consultant, my phone suddenly rang! Back then I had a land line and as I hurriedly crossed into my kitchen to pick up the receiver, I remember thinking, “Is that you calling, God?”
Well, indeed it was someone from the archdiocese seeking me out to be part of a team that would go to clusters of parishes to lead them through a process of strategic planning. As the number of parishioners was diminishing, and costs were going up, parishes needed to collaborate in order to hire staff, access resources, and continue to provide Catholic education. After asking some pertinent questions of the caller, I was so eager for work, I impulsively said, “yes”. However, this was not the type of work I was looking for, nor had experience in. I was an educator, not a parish consultant. When the call ended I sat silently, thinking again, “Was that you, God?” That job lasted three years and was some of the hardest work I ever did! I learned so much about parishes, about leadership, and about what people really want in their faith communities. An added benefit was that contacts I made led to jobs in adult and family education, retreats, and later, spiritual direction. It was difficult, laborious, but ultimately all for the good.
I ask the Holy Spirit to lead, always. If something I hear back comes from anger, jealousy, my ego, or hurt feelings, and the like, I am inclined to think it’s not God speaking, but rather my human weaknesses. Certainly I must acknowledge those feelings and work through them, but I must also go beyond them and listen to how God might be calling me through these experiences to something higher, something that he really does intend for me.
Come, Holy Spirit!
