Life has many mountains
In my work with clients I hear many people reveal feelings of overwhelm, of not-enoughness, of fraud complex, of feeling spread too thin. I recently started a PhD program and I feel the stirrings of self-doubt—How am I going to do this? What was I thinking?
When we measure ourselves, our human selves, against any looming challenge we begin to feel small and fearful. Just like a backpacker standing at the base of a mountain trail, staring up at the peak—gulp.
Life has many mountains: starting a new job, getting married, getting divorced, raising children, moving to a new town, learning something new, giving a speech, running a marathon, taking care of an aging parent or a sick child, writing a book, pursuing a dream, getting healthy and fit, enduring grief, facing a health diagnosis and treatment protocol, learning to let go. On our own, these things can feel insurmountable, impossible.
An invitation to believe bigger
Anytime I measure myself against a mountain and feel that sensation that I want to freeze or turn back and find another way, I pause, take a deep breath, and acknowledge that this feeling is actually an invitation. It is an invitation believe bigger, to become a version of myself that is more expansive, more courageous, stronger and wiser than I am now. I trust God to help me find my yes.
The yes doesn’t come from a place that says “I got this.” The depth of the yes I’m talking about comes from knowing that on my own, I likely do not have what it takes—yet. My first baby step up that mountain is a step called willingness. Being willing (to try, to believe, to trust, to open, to learn) is our secret superpower.
Being willing
Once I’m willing, I ask God to please Loaves and Fishes me.
I am a writer. I know that phrase is grammatically incorrect. But I know of no better way to say what that means to me.
Read John 6: 1-14. I need Jesus to do what he did when he had two fish and give loaves of bread to feed the thousands. Because on my own, just one little me, I am not enough. I need a miracle. I need to be transformed into more than I am right now.
My favorite part about the loaves and fishes story is not just the feeding of the crowd, but the overflow—the fact that there was not only enough, there was more than enough. He created so much abundance that there were baskets of leftovers!
When God Loaves and Fishes me, it’s not just enough to get it done or get by and be depleted afterwards. It’s the power to do something or become something, and still have some energy leftover. Energy for myself, energy for my family and friends and clients, and most of all, energy to give thanks.
God, please Loaves and Fishes me. Make me into more than I am. Apart from you I can do nothing, but with you, all things are possible. Thank you. Amen.
